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Suggested Reading

Passionate Marriage
Dr. David Schnarch is the only marriage counselor who has actually helped couples, and he is absolutely brilliant at it. His book is very advanced and can be challenging to comprehend. We highly recommend you make the effort to understand it.

He reveals that couples eventually become emotionally fused, leading to frustration and unhappiness. His prescription is what he calls “differentiation”, or more simply, each person standing up for themselves honestly and independently.

The bulk of the content includes transcripts from his sessions with couples as he explains to the reader where he is going with his words. A true masterpiece.

The Six Pillars of Self Esteem
Self-esteem is widely misunderstood, which is unfortunate because a clear understanding of it is crucial for a successful relationship.

Dr. Nathaniel Branden is the father of self-esteem research and writing. In his pinnacle book he clearly lays out what self-esteem is, what its components are, and how to improve it.

A Passion for More
Susan Shapiro Barash interviewed 57 women who had extramarital affairs. Every woman had something missing in her marriage. Each woman filled the missing need by going outside her marriage.

As you read the book and look closely, you will notice that in every case, each woman went outside her marriage to meet one or more of the following needs:

1) To feel special
2) To feel a deep emotional connection
3) To feel like a woman
4) To feel passion

As a result, we can conclude what women must have those four things. This revelation is a cornerstone in our work helping men.

No More Mr. Nice Guy
Dr. Robert Glover is a PhD in psychology. He is married to a psychologist. Early in their marriage, they both identified that Glover had issues with his past that were impeding their happiness. Glover later identified it as “Nice Guy Syndrome”. Glover began to research the topic and started on a course to treat himself. He then focused his therapy on treating other men with similar issues.

Glover defines Nice Guys as men who believe that if they are “good” and do everything “right” they will be loved, get their needs met, and have a problem-free life. This leads Nice Guys to hide their mistakes, needs, and emotions, and to become generous, helpful, and peaceful, thinking that is what others want them to be. For Nice Guys, it does not feel safe or acceptable to be just who he is.

Nice Guys give, fix, caretake, seek approval from others, avoid conflict, believe they must hide their perceived flaws, seek the “right” way to do things, repress their feelings, have difficulty making their needs a priority, and make their partner their emotional center. In other words, they become doormats.

As a result, Nice Guys are dishonest, secretive, compartmentalized, manipulative, controlling, passive-aggressive, full of rage, addictive, isolated, attracted to people and situations that need fixing, only relatively successful, have problems in intimate relationships, have difficulty setting boundaries, and give to get. As you would expect, such men remain frustrated and unfulfilled.

Glover’s book is an eye-opening work on the psychological condition. Every reader will relate to much of it, and will benefit greatly from Glover’s suggested solutions.

 

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